I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
