sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
