i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
