we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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