she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
