Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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