my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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