would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
