Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
