maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
