So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
