I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
