it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
