My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
