Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
