I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
