She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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