We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
