Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
