New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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