doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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