I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
