omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
