Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize