just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
