Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
