cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
