Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
