I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
