I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize