i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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