he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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