Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
