Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
