At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
