): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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