You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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