My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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