On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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