the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
