she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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