I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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