If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize