Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
