No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
