some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
