I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize