It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
