my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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