marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
