Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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