best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
