Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
