the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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