Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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