I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just forgot I was standing up.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
