I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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