god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
