Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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