you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
