So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize