so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
