Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
