i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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