I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize