I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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