I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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