In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
