Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
