You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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