hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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