I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
