dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
