I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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