we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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