somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
