So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
