the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
