I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
