That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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