Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
