Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
