she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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