One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
