and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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