K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
