JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
