I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
