I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
