They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize