What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
