Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
